Ranting Si Dahan Rapuh

2017 is coming to an end.  What have changed throughout this year? For the better or worse? Alhamdulillah.  We’re still here well & alive.  Lungs still breathing.  Hearts still pumping.  Body still moving.  Mind still thinking.  And all won’t happen if not because of His ni’mah.  {وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدٌ} [ابراهيم : ٧] اللهم أعني على ذكرك وشكرك وحسن عبادتك To my dearest & most beloved, Here’s to all the firsts we’ve achieved in 2017; First trip together, first adventures, first experiences, first changes, first life decisions, first emotional breakdown, first self-discovery, first private lesson, first worry and many more.  (And I spelt the word FIRST too much that it looked like as though i misspelt it) It has been a wonderful year with you.  May this ukhwah lasts forever.  Thank you for always being there for me.  Next chapter: Let’s mo...

Hold your horses Don’t promise too much Don’t expect too much There are certain things that are beyond our control When those things happen And it is not to what we’ve originally planned it to be We’ll get disappointed That’s why Manage your expectation well Don’t put in too much hope Because in the end, you know You plan. HE decides. 

Brace yourself. Prepare yourself.  Before you dive in.  Secure yourself tightly.  And don’t fall in too deep.  Only then the fall won’t be so painful.  You’ll be able to pull youself up.  Freeing yourself from that suffocating mask.  And breathing the fresh air up above.  They said painful experience will mature you, physically and emotionally.  But too much of that might just break you eventually.  Coz the heart is fragile too. 

Dalam hidup, tak semua yang kita nak, kita boleh dapat.  Kadang-kadang, memang susah nak buat pilihan.  Nak jaga hati sendiri, atau nak jaga hati dia.  Memang payah.  Tak apa. Biar kita terluka. Tapi jangan lukakan hati orang lain.  Terima kasih untuk segalanya. 

So they said, a friend in need is a friend indeed.  She was there, has always been there and will always be there for you when you need her.  But where were you when she needs you? So you said that people is selfish and heartless. Yet, you forgot. You point a finger to a person, but you have another 4 fingers pointing at you.  Stop being a hypocrite.  Get up. Rise up. Be THAT friend she needs.  Let go of your feelings. It’s time for you to be selfless - for her. For the one you love.  She can sacrifice her life for you, but will you do the same for her? 

The wall.  That thing that you built around your heart. So that people can’t pass through it, can’t look through it, can’t feel it.  Most importantly, that fortress is there so that people can’t hurt you, and you won’t be easily affected by people’s action. 🏰 You have always been afraid of that point when even small things can make you so emotional and irrational.  But then.... why are you feeling this way? When you have decided to make a little opening on that wall, that uneasiness starts to kick in. All the insecurities rushed into that small hole, just like how the air blown out of a balloon. Whooooshh 🌬 Are you just being irrational now? These dark thoughts keep on looming in the mind. 🌫🌫 Like, hey. You’re not forgotten yet, but why are you feeling this way? Could it be that this is the point for you to prepare yourself? One day, everything is going to change. They said promises are meant to be broken. We can try our best to fulfil whatever promises we made. But w...

How is it possible to miss someone that badly.  It’s like you see them everyday, But yet you feel like you haven’t meet them for quite sometime.  Emotions It’s uncomfortable, and yet comforting at the same time. 

Orang cakap.....kalau marah, sedih atau kecewa kena luahkan. Tak boleh pedam sorang-sorang. Sebab dia boleh makan dalam. Tapi orang pon ada cakap, kecik-kecik tak nak mati, dah besar susahkan orang. Tu yang datang idea jangan nak selalu susahkan orang lain je.  Lagi satu orang selalu pesan. Jaga perkataan, jaga hati orang lain, jangan asik nak lukakan hati orang. Tapi kalau sibuk dengan hati orang, siapa nak jaga hati kita.  Jangan nak tayangkan kebahagiaan sangat. Nanti orang cemburu.  Jangan nak cemberut sangat. Nanti orang tak selesa.  Ini tak boleh. Itu tak boleh.  Kadang-kadang banyak sangat fikiran dalam fikiran, sampai tak tahu apa yang dikusutkan. Kemudian, datanglah si bisikan-bisikan dan idea-idea yang menggerunkan, yang sebenarnya tertanam jauh dalam diri. Dalam sanubari, katanya.  Your deepest darkest thoughts.  Dan apa yang kita mampu lakukan cuma DOA. Semoga jalan gelap yang kita lalui ini akan sampai ke penghujungnya bila sang cahaya mul...

Jangan berjanji andai tak mampu tunaikan janji Jangan berdusta hanya untuk menyedapkan hati Jangan mengharap pada sesuatu yang tak pasti

People won't listen to you if you're nobody.  That's how it is. To be disregarded.  Because your words are meaningless to them. 

Disappointed. Sad. Distressed.  But no one's there to fix it.   And no one's there to listen.  In reality, you chose to keep it to yourself.  Left alone to mend your broken heart.  Soon, everything is going to be fine.  Coz tomorrow is a brand new day.  Just leave it all behind.  P/S. This post is not meant to be understood. 

STM - Short Term Memory, a.k.a goldfish memory.  Ini term yang sendiri reka, sendiri label - not diagnosed. In fact, it might differ and contradict with its scientific symptoms and actual condition.  I have selective memory. I can choose what I want to remember. But usualy my brain chooses what it wants to remember, and just forget the rest of it.  I don't remember details of things. Especially those petty small little things, that doesn't really make a difference to me. Or my life.  I have always choose to stay within my comfort zone, having a few groups of friend, avoid risky things.  E.g. Relationships between 2 beings are risky. Especially when it involves your emotions and your future. So, I'll avoid it.  There are times that I remember things, but I chose not to say it. Or I chose not to recall it.  If I were be in midst of saying a sentence, and the being cut-off, there are times when I'll forget what I was saying or what is the phrase that will...

Everyone has their own moody days.  Relationship, friendship, trust; One word - and that's all it takes to ruin it all.  It's said:  "فقل خيرًا أو ليصمت" It's a dilemma. To say it, or not to say it.  But they said, don't keep it to yourself. Don't bottle it up, or else you're just like a time bomb. Ticking, waiting for the time to explode. 💣 The big problem: you don't even know what's the matter. Suddenly all mood just "whoooosh". Gone. Disappear. 💨 And because of that, another delicate heart is being hurt. Because of your actions. Action speaks louder than words.  If you can't even understand your own feeling, how to even share it with another being? And this rant shall continue. Jangan menangis, sayangku Ini hanyalah sementara Berdoalah pada yang Esa Terus menahan sabar Agar bahagia di sana - Ismail Izzani, "Sabar"