STM

STM - Short Term Memory, a.k.a goldfish memory. 

Ini term yang sendiri reka, sendiri label - not diagnosed. In fact, it might differ and contradict with its scientific symptoms and actual condition. 

I have selective memory. I can choose what I want to remember. But usualy my brain chooses what it wants to remember, and just forget the rest of it. 

I don't remember details of things. Especially those petty small little things, that doesn't really make a difference to me. Or my life. 

I have always choose to stay within my comfort zone, having a few groups of friend, avoid risky things. 

E.g. Relationships between 2 beings are risky. Especially when it involves your emotions and your future. So, I'll avoid it. 

There are times that I remember things, but I chose not to say it. Or I chose not to recall it. 

If I were be in midst of saying a sentence, and the being cut-off, there are times when I'll forget what I was saying or what is the phrase that will come next. Otherwise, it just me who'd choose not to continue my sentence. The mood has been ruined. The momentum is gone. 

Some says that I am a good person because of how I treat my friends. But that's because they are all that I have. Without my these small circle of friends and family, who else am I left with. 

I admit. I hold back my feelings lots of times. I am no good with words when it comes to expressing my thoughts. A simple sentence can become as lenghty as an essay. That's why twitter is not sufficient. 

They said, why suffer alone when you can share your suffering with other people. 

The answer. Because of love. 

You love them too much to let them know that you're suffering deep inside. Let them think that you're happy, so that they'll always be at ease. They have things to worry about, other than my small petty little worry that me myself don't even know what it is. 

Good night, dear.