Sebelum mata terlena

Who knows what lies ahead of us. 

Andai ditakdirkan degupan jantung terhenti di sini, walaupun takut sebab amalan kita tak cukup mana lagi. But let me first say thank you for being part of my life. It was short, but we went through the most memorable journey together. 

Being with you makes me a human again. To realise that we have feelings. Like how much we can be strong and control our brain, we still have that emotions and emphaty deep within us. 

There is no word that can depicts how grateful I am to be a great part in your life, to be the one you look for when you’re happy or sad, to have known the “unknown you”, to have seen what’s on the other side of the wall, to be the one to see your “gedikness”, to be your awla. 

Knowing you taught me the meaning of happiness, sadness, anger, frustrations, knowing how to love and feeling of being loved, knowing how to miss someone and being missed and most importantly how to express your feeling towards your special someone. 

I am sorry if I disappoints you from time to time, hurt you with my words or actions. Cubit peha kanan, peha kiri terasa. I did mention, everytime you’re hurt, i feel the pain too. Like how angry i got when you got hurt because of me, and how pathetic I am for not being able to even stand up for you when I am supposed to. The powerless me. It is soooo frustrating that I can feel the pain engulfing my soul. But I have to console myself. 

لا تغضب. 

إنما الصبر عند الصدمة الأولى. 

I know how frustrated You are. It’s not that I’m not opening up my emotions to you. It’s just the way of how I control my anger. I have to cool it down with silence. Saying it out loud will just make the fire bigger. I’ll get even angrier. Vulgarities will be uttered. We don’t want that, do we?

So sayang. I am so thankful that Allah had brought us together. Even if it is a short period of time. It had taught us lots of things and hopefully it helped to make us a better person, a better muslim. InsyaAllah. 

Be stronger, sayang. I know you are. 

Once again, thank you.